I have been feeling somewhat unsettled since Thursday. I went to a zoom writing group I probably shouldn't have.

It was with Firefly Creative Writing, on connection and "writing our way back to each other".

Which is kinda cool when you haven't tried it a million times. People were so happy that they were going to "write an email to an old friend" as a next step.

It just made me realize how much unresolved sh** I have in my life and made me uneasy.

The first and first half of the second week of March mostly rubs me the wrong way.

(Ha, perfectly depressing song playing right now:
Lana Del Rey - Young and Beautiful
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_1aF54DO60)

My mutually broken promise of marriage is now entering its 17th year. Damn, was it that long ago? I feel ancient, explains why I had a dream about him
where I called his family my future-in-laws at a party last night. It didn't click until this morning when I was fully awake. It seems as if my brain has been doing major resorting and restoring of memories since my dad died. I have been having dreams that connect from one night to the next. I guess that's a dreamlife for ya.

But, why in general, am I dreaming about my ex recently, it goes back to Thursday when I went to the writing group and they asked that we write about connection - a postcard to someone not in our lives anymore. Fuck, the nostalgia is strong. This week I also had my first real period in 5 months. I think, I am flirting with peri-menopause
now, that's kinda scary. Getting old, man. I guess it's better than the alternative.