Something I have always found throughout my life, but more now than ever before, is that I am easily distracted.

Actually, that isn't entirely true and this is more just a form of procrastination. When focused, I am able to stay on task, but when only partially engaged, I will easily be distracted by anything that is not my task at hand.

What is strange, more recently, is that I even can't get interested in doing things I should like. Things like games, for example, are enjoyable but difficult to decide to start or finish. The peculiar thing is that is often how I think about work: Hard to get started and hard to tackle the long-tail of small concerns yet usually quite engaging in the space between.

It is a big part of the reason why I try to get out of the apartment whenever the weather seems nice. Of course, even then I find myself distracted by the ever-present hum in the back of my mind: "Why are they here and what do they want? Would they prefer that I be doing something? Would they prefer that I leave this place or leave this life?"

I think this is why I tend to often pick walking destinations instead of just "being outside": It is a simple task which can be accomplished, without ambiguity, by an application of effort.

Yesterday, I walked to the beach and back. It is just under 1.5 hours to walk there so it was a long walk in the July afternoon sun. Upon arriving, I decided to take off my shoes to feel the sand between my toes but, after walking maybe 20 metres, jumped onto the shirt I was carrying and put my shoes back on as the sand was absolutely scalding.

Walking along the water was nice but, seeing all the young people there, reminded me of when I was young and how I was never part of this world. Never one people invited anywhere or wanted around. I am not sure what it was about me but I have always been less than attractive and awkward in most social conversations. I suppose it is why I made more sense in a university or an office than on a beach.

Though I always wished to be welcomed and desired in those ways, I guess I find my own way to make a space. Of course, our culture no longer has a place for many of those spaces, so here I stand.

Work on the next OP release needs to gear-up soon. In the meantime, I have been trying to sketch the mythology behind the world and its tech tree, as that is much of what is required next. For some reason, I am not really happy with the ideas I have sketched and direction things should go (tech, magic, what kind of magic, etc).

In any case, the days have been hot and the hot hasn't yet overstayed its welcome (that feeling usually sets in some time in August) so it has been nice to get out.

Luckily, I seem to have only developed a minor sunburn once, and it was cleared in 2 days,
...Nights