I really feel like a big problem I have is that I have nothing to look forward to.

On the work front, I don't think I have real prospects. Combine that with the lack of in-person work going on, the lack of problems worth solving, and how so many jobs related to my profession are about creating problems, rather than solving them, and there isn't really much of a future there. I would still love to find something interesting to do but I am not holding my breath. I may be de facto "retired", which is something I never wanted to see (I was hoping to work myself to death by my mid-50s so that I never had to consider it).

In terms of socialization, I don't really know how to. Back in the pandemic, I feared that this would happen: I would revert into the person I was as a child, too comfortably slipping into isolation with no way out. Now, I try to get out to see people but I have few connections and they don't seem to be growing. Further, I don't really even know how to have fun or spend time with people, so there is that.

Now, of course, there is this pointless trade war and bizarre threats against sovereignty and... well, what are we all doing here and why? It is starting to feel like old timey-times where your life was keeping your head down until some mad king makes your life difficult or concluded.

I suppose that the main area where I should be focused is on my various little projects, of which OctoberProject is the most consistent. While it is somewhat interesting and gives me something to poke at, I really wish that I found more motivation with it. When it seems like you will die alone and unremarked at any moment, it would be nice to at least find some way to go on. It _should_ be this but there is something missing. I suppose it is what I had always wanted to find: An interesting technical conversation.

I wish I had something to look forward to but the future just seems like more of today's problems, further dogged by the angry decay of western culture, more restrictions on personal freedoms, and the inevitable weight of age.

The world gets strange when one layer gets noisy while the other layers grow eerily quiet,
...Nights