... anywhere and in any context.

My world is oddly silent and it bothers me. Not only does it make all of life seem to be a pointless slog of unpleasantness and discomfort, but it has all sorts of other problems (or problems I suspect are related).

First of all, there is the usual "feeling crazy" problem. I don't feel connected to people, so I don't feel human (the closest thing to a real physical sensation is muscle pain from sitting poorly or walking a long distance - the back pain is the only one of these which isn't somehow worthwhile to feel). Further, without the moderating effect of connection to other humans, threat assessments are all pushed out of whack and my own thoughts/dreams/fears become unbalanced.

More recently, however, I have been wondering if there is another issue: Cognitive decline. It seems like my train of thought is increasingly derailed by not being able to remember words. After about a minute, I remember the word but it is happening with unsettling frequency, these days. While this might be nothing, or it might be a real decline related to something else (like age, although that seems a little premature), I still suspect it is related to the lack of face-to-face social engagement. No surprise that I am forgetting language: When do I ever use it?

Ah well, at least today made for a nice walk to and from the beach. Nothing too exciting but it is a nice walk.

...Nights