Moonless Nights
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z5AanNVJCxnNYeFdyoqLV9JKHUcviviTrfr5s6NVdTzQQuN2dsxH35G
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Description:
My personal channel, largely replacing those I used to have on other systems, back in the client-server days.
This channel is mostly for just writing personal thoughts about inter-personal relationships, technical opinions, the direction of humanity and its cultures, and a search for purpose, more broadly.
Personally, I am a software developer (systems programming, if you were interested). In my personal life, I am polyamorous (however you feel about that). Socially, I like to associate with the goth scene (which I have done since early 2003).
This channel is mostly for just writing personal thoughts about inter-personal relationships, technical opinions, the direction of humanity and its cultures, and a search for purpose, more broadly.
Personally, I am a software developer (systems programming, if you were interested). In my personal life, I am polyamorous (however you feel about that). Socially, I like to associate with the goth scene (which I have done since early 2003).
Thin Dreams (on Aug. 16, 2026, 6:45:14 p.m.)
It seems like more and more of what I used to be is drifting away from me. I am still not entirely sure why.
Even today, I find myself aware of a pleasant thought loop. This isn't unusual, as I would historically find my mind in such a state [...]
Even today, I find myself aware of a pleasant thought loop. This isn't unusual, as I would historically find my mind in such a state [...]
Haven't said much, lately (on Aug. 11, 2026, 10:38:05 p.m.)
... anywhere and in any context.
My world is oddly silent and it bothers me. Not only does it make all of life seem to be a pointless slog of unpleasantness and discomfort, but it has all sorts of other problems (or problems I suspect are [...]
My world is oddly silent and it bothers me. Not only does it make all of life seem to be a pointless slog of unpleasantness and discomfort, but it has all sorts of other problems (or problems I suspect are [...]
Re: Young Blood (on Aug. 5, 2026, 7:59:50 p.m.)
Yeah, I know a bunch of people who can't do to medication.
I wish more eligible people would since it isn't difficult or time consuming. It is more about availability and just remembering that it is something one should do.
I wish more eligible people would since it isn't difficult or time consuming. It is more about availability and just remembering that it is something one should do.
Uniformity of the Quantum Foam (on Aug. 4, 2026, 10:40:52 p.m.)
There have been a few times this summer, and today was one such example, when I noticed something odd. While sitting in the park, I looked up from my book and noticed that there were actually several people sitting around the same part of the park, [...]
First Impression Vibes (on Aug. 4, 2026, 12:39:18 a.m.)
I noticed something odd when I was out on Friday: An acquaintance of mine introduced me to some friend of hers and I very quickly got a strange vibe of "hostility" from this new woman. It was something about her voice and word selection which gave [...]
Was Memory a Lie? (on Aug. 3, 2026, 12:11:39 a.m.)
It is strange to exist in the modern world but still remember the past. It is starting to make me wonder if my memories are real or if I was just put here recently and my memories are fake.
I remember liking to get out and see people but now it is [...]
I remember liking to get out and see people but now it is [...]
No-Fun Fantasy (on Aug. 1, 2026, 11:41:08 p.m.)
I am certain my mind used to be more interesting than this.
Lately, I find that when I search my thoughts for a concise depiction of what I crave, I only ever stumble upon moments of stillness and calmness. The strange thing is that, in reality, I [...]
Lately, I find that when I search my thoughts for a concise depiction of what I crave, I only ever stumble upon moments of stillness and calmness. The strange thing is that, in reality, I [...]
Young Blood (on Jul. 31, 2026, 1:26:03 p.m.)
It is strange to hear that there is a blood shortage, this summer, given that there is no real reason for that to happen.
I wonder if this is another part of the "20-somethings currently do absolutely nothing" problem. They don't drink, they don't [...]
I wonder if this is another part of the "20-somethings currently do absolutely nothing" problem. They don't drink, they don't [...]
Kafka Trap (on Jul. 30, 2026, 1:06:13 a.m.)
I hadn't heard of a name for this rhetorical tactic until just the other day but it feels like a frustratingly familiar bit of nonsense.
I linked an article which describes it, and provides a few examples of how it is sometimes applied (albeit with [...]
I linked an article which describes it, and provides a few examples of how it is sometimes applied (albeit with [...]
Why Poor Motivation? (on Jul. 24, 2026, 10:54:29 p.m.)
These days, I have such a hard time feeling motivated to work on the projects I have in play.
On one level, this isn't new, and such motivation comes and goes. On another level, I wonder if it is something else or just an existing trend which is [...]
On one level, this isn't new, and such motivation comes and goes. On another level, I wonder if it is something else or just an existing trend which is [...]
Re: Juniper (on Jul. 20, 2026, 10:20:14 p.m.)
Aww, always nice to see a happy kitty.
Need to get back into writing (on Jul. 11, 2026, 11:00:35 p.m.)
Something which has bothered me, the last little while, is that I almost never do any sort of creative writing, anymore. Be it drunken inspiration or just hashing out some thoughts, I so rarely sit down to write.
There are a few reasons for this: [...]
There are a few reasons for this: [...]
Re: The Gate of Unknown Locks (on Jul. 10, 2026, 12:20:20 a.m.)
The problem is that there aren't many places to socialize and meet people, these days. Without an office and without a goth club, I am out of places where people interact (I assume talking to strangers in public spaces is fully demonized, by now, [...]
Re: Killing Boredom (on Jul. 9, 2026, 1:19:03 a.m.)
Ah, the boredom is always there, it seems. It is part of why I try to get out to read in the park, these days. It is something to do which is actually pleasant and interesting, not just distracting.
The Gate of Unknown Locks (on Jul. 8, 2026, 12:22:43 a.m.)
I walk by the gate, stopping in front of it to look at it for a moment, with a sort of sad frown painted across my face.
The gate doesn't go anywhere at the moment. Rarely does the world on the other side line up with it so it is little more than [...]
The gate doesn't go anywhere at the moment. Rarely does the world on the other side line up with it so it is little more than [...]
Re: Loneliness and Fear (on Jul. 6, 2026, 10:37:51 p.m.)
I said something which is subtly critical of modern mainstream political ideology.
Since religion and politics are the same thing, anything not worshipping the ideology is effectively a new form of blasphemy.
Hence, I am worried that I may be [...]
Since religion and politics are the same thing, anything not worshipping the ideology is effectively a new form of blasphemy.
Hence, I am worried that I may be [...]
Missing Chaos (on Jul. 6, 2026, 10:36:13 p.m.)
Given that our culture has somehow changed to something very kid-friendly (you know, for adults, for some reason), where all media has to be some kind of propaganda (it needs to be what you are told to be and re-affirm the ideas you are being told [...]
Loneliness and Fear (on Jul. 4, 2026, 2:34:21 p.m.)
Last night was a generally good night out but the ending of it did leave me feeling... unpleasant.
Late in the night, all the people I knew left to go do something else and didn't invite me along. I know that I am not essential for anything or [...]
Late in the night, all the people I knew left to go do something else and didn't invite me along. I know that I am not essential for anything or [...]
Re: Experiment Results (on Jul. 3, 2026, 3:01:13 p.m.)
I assume that you were at least still rinsing water through your hair, in that time? Did you try using anything else on it or just water?
Back in my 20s, I used nothing but water on my hair for a few years. All the hair oils in it made may hair [...]
Back in my 20s, I used nothing but water on my hair for a few years. All the hair oils in it made may hair [...]
Overthought Trivialities (on Jun. 24, 2026, 10:47:58 p.m.)
Recently, I was thinking about some details of a project I have had sitting in the back of my mind for years. Not sure if it is something I will ever pursue (there are multiple paths to that outcome), but I sometimes think about it.
The main point [...]
The main point [...]
The Perpetual "Kids' Table" (on Jun. 19, 2026, 12:49:34 a.m.)
Part of what is making me really feel like I don't belong in existence is that I so rarely hear an insightful or even just uncommon opinion or perspective on something.
It seems like mainstream discourse has become so obsessed with repeating "safe" [...]
It seems like mainstream discourse has become so obsessed with repeating "safe" [...]
Plans within plans (on Jun. 10, 2026, 12:10:39 a.m.)
So far, I am finding Foundation quite engaging.
Thinking about the entire structure of it, essentially being a very long game where a plan is woven around all the characters, it reminds me of the old curiousity of how often such things are going on [...]
Thinking about the entire structure of it, essentially being a very long game where a plan is woven around all the characters, it reminds me of the old curiousity of how often such things are going on [...]
Not much to say (on Jun. 1, 2026, 11:42:01 p.m.)
For some reason, I feel like I should have more on my mind but I haven't been up to too much, of late. I think that my distraction addiction is getting worse, or something.
At least I am trying to get out, more often, as it warms up. Still, it [...]
At least I am trying to get out, more often, as it warms up. Still, it [...]
When movies don't land (Sunshine - 2007) (on May 26, 2026, 11:56:18 p.m.)
I have heard this movie recommended before (even by The Drinker) and have seen it referenced in various video essays so I figured I would rent it and give it a watch.
Well, I didn't like it. In fact, for the last 20+ minutes, I was just hoping it [...]
Well, I didn't like it. In fact, for the last 20+ minutes, I was just hoping it [...]
Re: Sitting at the "kids'" table for one night (on May 25, 2026, 7:34:49 p.m.)
Yeah, it is frustrating how the modern world has made talking about "groups of people" like that so trendy, along with other vague armchair political statements.
At least I rarely see it in person (as I don't see people, in person) but I guess I do [...]
At least I rarely see it in person (as I don't see people, in person) but I guess I do [...]