I can't sleep. Is it so terrible of me to want my dad's suffering to end? Today is exactly two years he's been diagnosed with cancer *I didn't tell my mom* and late tonight he went to the hospital with what we think are symptoms of a heart attack. Could easily be something else but we don't know. I just want everything to be over, I'm tired, my mom is tired most of all, and I'm made out to be such a bad person because I said it out loud. At least we had a good day yesterday had Swiss Chalet for lunch for the last time before moving, watched Sunday Mass (because my mom wanted to), I showed dad my new exercise routine from youtube that follows an AI person, he said it was stupid, we laughed.

He said he doesn't think of "tomorrow" for himself anymore, he just thinks of my mom and I making it to the condo in March and being happy.

I should be sleeping but I'm sitting here quietly ugly crying my eyes out with no tissues around. :( I think I'm just gonna wash my face and turn some music on, my mom can't hear it upstairs. Gah.

Good night xo

ETA: I even was over by a year. damn.