*sigh*, my search for grief counselling options has pretty much come up empty, besides things that are $200-$600 for 8 weeks. I don't want to take traditional grief counselling as this probably won't help me. I'm going to try the 5-hour online offering (split in two) from @motherwortandrose on instagram. These are recorded videos. The first 2 and a half hours is $45 and the second offering is free. I also want to do a "queer" and polyamorous "death cafe" when another one comes up from @guardianfoxarts, another instagram I found. There was one on February 20th but I only just found out about them.

Yesterday was St Joseph's Day, so after coming back from Routes. My mom and I went to get zeppole pastries which are kinda like french crullers with whipped cream inside. These also had nutella, banana and strawberry. Not the best I ever had, but they were good. My cousins Steven and Giulia also reminded me that it was Father's Day in Italy yesterday so... we kinda did it for that reason as well. My dad is in a crypt in a wall at St. Joseph's Catholic Cemetery in Thornhill in the crucifixion section, my parents lost (or won depending how you look at it) a bet with straws when I was 2 in 1984 (My mom was 40, my dad was 46) When my mom dies, she'll obviously also be there as well but before that happens we are going to look into options for me since I have no partner and nowhere to be.

When we had my dad's funeral, my estranged cousin Sandra came. I'm still kinda reeling over the fact that she brought up her son Joshua who she lost to miscarriage 24 years ago. She told me that Joshua was cremated and because she couldn't bury the ashes and didn't know what to do with them she kept them in a stuffed animal.
and brought them with her every year to Charlee's Run for Infant Loss. This disgusted me. Poor child could not have a proper burial or ash scattering because Sandra thought she had to keep it hush hush. First, she had Joshua with her then second husband who is black. But this child was their second child we already accepted Nathaniel (her first) with open arms, why she thought it had to be hush hush, I'll never know, if it was because she lost the child, a lot of women in my family have had miscarriages including my mom. Ugh.

Also my ex-fiance has a son named Joshua who is 28 and in hospice care from a failed suicide attempt (heroin overdose) a year ago. The kid was 12 when I met him.
I was only 24, so even hearing the name is just... bad.