I noticed something odd when I was out on Friday: An acquaintance of mine introduced me to some friend of hers and I very quickly got a strange vibe of "hostility" from this new woman. It was something about her voice and word selection which gave the strong impression that she would kill or torture me, just for existing, if she thought she could get away with it. Luckily, I didn't need to interact with her again but that isn't what was left in my mind.

This interaction got me thinking about how social impressions work, more generally. Thinking back, I realized that most of the people I meet at the clubs, these days, seem either basically friendly or aloof. Back in the day, they often came across as outwardly friendly or even playful. I am not sure how much of that change is me and how much is the world (not good, either way).

It got me wondering how others perceive me in those first meetings. I worry that I often come across as dismissive or aloof, mostly because I might be distracted by trying to figure out if I have already met someone or not and what their name is or if I just don't know what to say to them. I worry that I sometimes come across as suspicious or uncomfortable if I have had unpleasant or confusing previous interactions.

I really need to work on this as I don't want to live in an unpleasant world so I don't like being an agent making it gratuitously unpleasant for others. This is, of course, something I am bad at. I have never been able to naturally smile when talking to people so I will need to find another way of seeming warm and friendly (what I assume is good since it is what I want to see in people).

It is like I need to convince myself to see something comforting in them so that I can relax myself for them, or something. Unfortunately, this is not a problem which lends itself to solutions through thinking alone,
...Nights