6 seconds of nothing truer ever said. haha

So I have been doomscrolling on facebook today and thinking of leaving it. It's not like I can't get away with posting once a week or so. With the big move and everything I'd like to. My dad's cancer is creeping up more and though he is back on his pill, they say he might have to increase it. I don't really have friends online in the Facebook realm I would share this information with anymore. I've kinda grown apart from them, although they still exist somewhere in there. Everything else is fine but even my brother's girlfriend just texts me at 7am every morning to say good morning, I have no news, have a good day, she's been texting me everyday since my accident. I used to tell her a lot until I realized she was getting away with telling me nothing so we don't talk much.

Yesterday I did some survey thingy I found on instagram.

1. What do you want? If you’re telling yourself the full truth – what do you want?
I’m not sure. I’ve been watching “This is Us” too much where Kate and Kevin find love after 40. I am a lot like Kevin, sometimes I want love, sometimes I feel like I should just give up on that. But I am moving soon, so we’ll see. Though, I always have Jeff as a best friend kinda like Kevin has Cassidy and that feels like enough.
I guess what I have makes sense and I don’t wish for things to be different except for the wheelchair, I wish I didn’t have that it’s part of my disability I should have been ready for when I was younger. However, I’m glad I wasn’t ready for it or knew that this would happen because I would have lived life in fear.

2. How do you want to feel? Are your habits, time commitments, other life patterns moving you closer to this desire?
Happy. Yes, hopefully writing at least once a week with the WCC and not having my poetry online will help this, as well as connecting at least once a week with friends and going out at least once a week in the new year.

3. How do you want those in your circle of impact to feel or what impact do you hope to make in the world, in your family or inner circle? We aren’t responsible for other people’s choices or feelings but we can think about how we impact those around us.
I know I already make a big impact and inspire others. I just wish someone was around more often like that for myself because you can never take your own advice.

4. How are you using your gifts in the world? How can you show up and offer your light in big or small ways?
My biggest light shines with writing groups and friends.

5. Where are you stuck? Be specific.
With depression that keeps coming back. Though I’m glad the manic part of it has passed so I no longer have to be depressed about being happy knowing that I’ll hit my lowest once the mania stops. I want to be more stable.

6. What do you need to let go of? Think about the emotional, physical, relational baggage you’re ready to release.
2023 has been big on releasing emotional and relational baggage. I think I’ve released all that I can. I am stuck with physical baggage unless I find a way to lose some weight and exercise more.

7. What life-giving habit do you want to add into your life? What is the ONE THING you could add in that would have the most significant, positive impact on your life in this season?
Exercise, motivation to eat healthier.

8. Are you spending time with growth-minded people? Do the people in your inner circle deserve that space in your life?
I would like to spend more time with growth-minded people.

9. Do you need help? Name the place you need or want help. Make a concrete, step-by-step plan to get the help you need.
With physical goals – exercising to strengthen, tone and relieve pain. I asked my doctor about the pain I am having, she said I am complicated and not like others but I need to not just take that as an answer, I need to start an exercise program before February and see if it resolves itself before I see the doctor next.

10. Are you ready for change? We sometimes say we want something but aren’t truly ready to take action. Tell the truth to yourself – are you ready?
Yes, I am ready for huge positive changes to come into my life and for the new year 2024.

11. Where is perfectionism, comparison or fear holding you back from what you truly desire? What would you feel like or what would your life look like, sound like, and feel like if you showed up through comparison, perfectionism, or fear?
On social media. I’m not too sure. I want to feel liberated but I don’t want to lose connection to people.

So that's that. Umm, I know we had this whole conversation about counselling lately and how much it sucks but my doctor of course wants me to go to counselling that I have to pay for. Unless things look up by February, so keep your fingers crossed for that, mine are. <3