Last night was strange in that I had a conversation with one person which reaffirmed that belief that we all yearn for connection, only to have another conversation with someone else less than 2 hours later which seemed to imply that the world is nihilistic and reducible to implicit misanthropy. Strange how that happened. I wasn't even looking for a conversation with that second person.

Now, I think that I am so far doing well to keep this kind of hatred isolated: I am not assuming that because this one person seemed oddly rotten, that others are. In fact, once I realized that this idea may harm my ability to connect (not to mention will to live), I cut it off quickly and just said "I have to leave", put down my empty glass, grabbed my coat, and went home. I hope that I don't see that woman again since she seemed truly awful.

On the other hand, the friendly example I mentioned is a woman I actually like and see somewhat regularly due to my various outings. I hope that I continue to see her and can maintain this social connection.

It is a strange feeling to not really know what I want in my interactions with people but I do know that I want more, and deeper, connections. I just want to wrap myself up in that feeling of being welcome and the soothing warmth which comes from physical contact. I think that I need to believe that I am not alone, or even rare, in this regard. Hence, for my own sanity, I should probably avoid being poisoned by people who harbour these kinds of misanthropy.

In the future, I would like to be able to bear that so that I can understand how they arrived in that way of thinking but I am not stable enough for that, at the moment, even though I am doing what I can to accept the less avoidable burdens thrown at me.

Not really sure where I was going with this,
...Nights