For the past several days, I have felt worse than usual. I am not sure what is suddenly shifting things, but I can tell that I am having a rougher time than recent days. I almost feel as though the sense of eternal despair is creeping up around me, or something.

Another odd thing is that I have noticed that there is a feeling of a gap within me and a strange preoccupation of how to bridge it. The bizarre thing is that this seems to originate from an off-hand suggestion from a few weeks ago. I find it a little disturbing that I can so easily fall victim to such an inception. Well, you know, I can't give up on hope even though I can't believe in it.

However, while I would feel a subtle sense of focus and optimism while in this situation, in years past, this time I feel a coldness. It is as though I know where I need to go but I no longer allow myself to look forward to the arrival. I now know that, when I turn that corner, I will only find the same desolation as everywhere else.

I guess it is as Dream said: "What power would Hell have if those here imprisoned were not able to dream of Heaven?"

I really need to get my thoughts collected and do something actively engaging. Either work on OP or play a game, but don't just sit here moping in no particular direction,
...Nights