I walk by the gate, stopping in front of it to look at it for a moment, with a sort of sad frown painted across my face.

The gate doesn't go anywhere at the moment. Rarely does the world on the other side line up with it so it is little more than a reminder of an unknown, presently. Still, the fear of that potential unknown haunts me. I wonder if the gate will even let me pass through it, when I next make the attempt, or if I will be banished from those worlds beyond.

After having contemplated this fear, I realized that it might be ok. At the risk of sour grapes, I am not sure how much I actually value that world. Sure, I value it more than the void, but I haven't felt truly welcomed there in many, many years, I rarely find anything new when I go, and I have been feeling a growing fear while there in the past few years.

Sure, I would prefer not to lose this last place of potential connection but it is true that it isn't what it once was, when it first mattered to me all those years ago. I am not sure if "potential connection" is even a good thing, or just a tortuous hope (my mind-killer).

However, I don't think that it should be so easy to let go of things. Shouldn't I feel some kind of passion.... or something?

If I am already dead, I suspect I died quite some time ago,
...Nights